I Wonder, am I an Alcoholic?

If you’ve been asking yourself this question (or vehemently arguing you’re not) I’ve got an answer for you (see below).  But let’s bypass the labels and never-ending debates as to what, definitively, determines whether someone is alcoholic and consider instead the more relevant question: How, exactly, is drinking improving your life?  If you can name even one defensible instance, you’re on the wrong website.

Some popular misconceptions I’d like to dispel right now: it does not make you happier; it does not make you taller (or tougher); it definitely does not make you funnier; again – it does NOT make you funnier; itis not a relaxing agent, it’s a depressant; a bottle of red wine at dinner every night is not healthy; you don’t drive better drunk; and despite the fact you are willing to stay up all night arguing otherwise – it does not make you right.

So my answer to the above question is… Who cares?  You’ve wasted enough time and energy agonizing over a label, a designation you may not think fits you despite overwhelming evidence.  So there, you’re not an alcoholic. You’re just someone who deals with their fear and shame with a double shot of “more of the same, please.”  And it works, for a few hours. Then it doesn’t.

The next time you’re hungover and feeling particularly crispy, maybe ask yourself this. “If I’m not an alcoholic, why do I drink?”

I find clarity and resolve in knowing and declaring openly that I’m an alcoholic despite not having had a drink for over 14 years.  So if you’re struggling with alcohol, to any degree, stop prevaricating and do something about it, because you’re not getting any younger… or taller. Or funnier, believe me.